Crossroads

My mother has often told me that life comes in phases; we go through one after the other just as the moon wanes. So I guess this is just another phase that I am going through. But I am not alone in this; I have quite a few friends who also happen to be standing on the threshold of something bigger. You are wondering why I have gotten so philosophical.

Well the reason is quite simple though I am not sure if my thoughts are just as clear. One of my best friends got married recently and loyal friend that I claim to be, I was there for her wedding. It was a splendid affair with all the rituals, customs and traditions you would see in a typical Hindu marriage. There was lots of fun, teasing about, dances and a bit of tears too! The tears part always come in, because you know that your daughter, the apple of your eye will from then on be starting a new life.

We were three of us who did our Post Graduate studies together. Though like any other normal friendship, ours too went through a period of affliction, but the important thing is that we rose above it and our bond grew stronger as we tried to understand each other better. And as we sat down to a sumptuous Indian regal feast, my friend commented to me how far we had come within the span of about two years. A few months ago, we were just three silly girls discussing and fantasizing about the future and where we would go with all our high and lofty dreams, and yet there we were, attending our friend’s wedding.

Our mind does have the habit of playing dirty tricks, and mine chose that very day to get nostalgic and sentimental. I went into rewind mode and was replaying all the days spent together, be I in person, over the phone or most importantly during our lectures in class. Each and every thing we did came back to mind. Bunking class to go out to the food court, coming late, and the hell we would rise when it was time to submit our assignments. It would not be fair on my part if I don’t mention the additional course that my friend was taking- Masters in Social Service! (That’s a private joke though)

Suddenly all those memories seemed so close to the heart, so dear, even the tough times we went through. But those were now too distant, what mattered most was that we were with her on her most important day. We had promised her that we would be there and I should thank the Almighty for making that happen. Seeing our best friend get married was such a beautiful event. Something that we will treasure.

Looking at her glowing radiantly on her wedding day, I felt very happy for her and sent a silent prayer unto Heaven above. But the happiness was laced with a little bit sadness. She was no longer just our friend. She had a new life, a new beginning, and new roles to contend with. But if you knew her as well as we do, there will be no doubt in your heart that she would come through with flying colors. A few tears were shed on that account but let’s not get into the sad part. It was a day of celebration, she was stepping into a new phase and we, her friends were right beside her.

I feel very proud to have known her and more grateful to both my best friends to have accepted me for whom I am, with my eccentricities and all. I couldn’t have asked for a better gift than the companionship of my closest friends and especially at the crossroad that I am standing at right now in life. With all the difficult choices that we will have to make, I know they will be there right beside me. I do hope that when I have to move into a new life, I muster at least a fraction of the courage and bravery that my friend has shown.

I guess this is what my mother was talking about. We were born into a family, being their pampered princess, we grew up, learnt to deal with life and some how win too, we are daughters, sisters, and friends and then everything changes. We become someone’s wife. That is a whole new identity we get and yet, we take on the challenge. But life gets so much easier when you have great friends such as mine.

Three cheers to our friendship…

Time to move on

Her heart is heavy today, so very heavy. And that is not because of all the stress that she have been having for the past few weeks, but because today she knew that she had lost a friend, a very good friend. 

Why did things have to get complicated? Why did their friendship become such a mess? Things were fine just as they were. “Why, oh why did he have to propose to me?” She kept asking herself that question time and again but could not come up with an answer. When she had asked him, he said that he had really and madly fallen in love with her. 

Sara just didn’t know how to react to that. Now that changed things drastically. There was some awkwardness that has crept into the friendship now. They were always buddies, teasing each other and pulling each other’s legs yet always being there for each other. Now Ned felt that they would be happy as life partners and so he proposed. But the question was would she be happy? She liked or rather loved him as her friend and had not looked at him as anything else, but suddenly this issue had to pop up. And there was such a marked change now in both of them. They just didn’t seem to talk to each other as they used to earlier. The prank calls that he would make just to irritate her, with either a different accent or a different voice, all now seem to be a thing of a past. This is just like two people happily hopping along a path and then suddenly one of them tries to veer the other friend into a whole new direction. And when the friend realizes that it is not the way she wants to go, she tries to stop. But little does she know that this stop will bring about a breech in their earlier friendship and things will never be the same again. They will never go back to what they were.

She sat there in her office trying to concentrate on her work. But every other minute, her glance kept reverting back to the mobile in front of her. “I wish he would call”, she kept telling herself. But however hard she wished, there was still no call from him. Sara knew Ned even better than he knew himself. She knew exactly when he was upset and when there was something on his mind. They rarely met face to face but that did not matter at all. And this is what troubled her most, the fact that she knew him well. She knew how he had been hurt in the past and even today he hadn’t forgotten that. And now she didn’t want to be the one to hurt him again. Her circumstances would never allow them to be happy in life and Sara just did not want that for Ned. He deserved a lot better, much better that her.

She stood at the counter waiting for her boarding pass. This seemed to be the best option to her. There was no way she could still be around Ned, without him getting hurt or constantly being reminded of her refusal. She had to go away, move out of his life. There was no way that they could be the same friends that they were. Others would not understand but she knew, there was no going back, now only move forward. It was all for the good she kept telling herself. It was very hard to tell Ned that she was leaving the country. He just wouldn’t believe her and didn’t allow her to leave either. But she used the ruse of better career options and he knew her to be a very ambitious person. And she promised him that she would come to visit very often. Ned was not exactly overjoyed but he was happy for her. “I really love you Sara and I will always be there for you, remember that.” Ned had told her that and in her heart she knew this to be true but. There was always a ‘but’ involved.

Putting all these thoughts aside, Sara boarded the plane. She looked out of the window at the setting sun sending an ethereal glow in the horizon. It was beautiful, both Ned and Sara were always captivated by these sights and had spent many evenings together watching the setting sun but not today. She had already started missing Ned but she was determined to keep her resolve. Ned should never know. Ned would never find out how much she loved him, how much she cared for him. The day he proposed to her was by far, the most beautiful day in her life, but Ned would never know. She had to make sure of that. He had to move on and for that she had to move out. Closing her eyes, she made a simple prayer to keep Ned always happy Ned safe. As for her, she knew not, what she would do, or where she would go. The plane took off, and she took with her the most prized possession-memories of the beautiful times spent with Ned and these she would guard jealously for the rest of her short life.