Wednesday, 5 March 2014

A new life

I remember writing a post over fours years ago about my friend's wedding. And now I find my self in a similar stage in life..

From being my parents' princess to someone's wife -  the transition has already began. But the process was made all the more easier because my husband has accepted me for who I am! In fact, by some bizzare twist of fact, he actually loves the person that I am! Strange indeed ! ! !

The wedding itself was a grandeur in itself with many people coming in from far and across to bless us. That was the best part. We had people who had known us both as children and seeing them get emotional, made us realise how much they cared for us. It brought in a bit of tears but also a sense of realisation that we have family and friends around who treasure us.

The festivities are over. I am officially married! Tied the knot! Jumped the broom! Call it whatever term you like, the fact remains that I am no longer single!

I have married a very sweet, caring and  amazing person and we are just settling into our new life. We are just getting to know each other intimately.
Didn't I know the guy before, you ask me? Well not exactly. It was a typical traditional Hindu way of match making. We mostly got to know each other over the phone. And its not the same - talking long distance and actually living with the person. You get to know all those annoying little habits that you'll have to either endure for the rest of your life or try and change. This would be for both of us, by the way.

It feels surreal that I actually have this person who has walked into my life and now my whole world revolves around him. Its as my husband often says, there was some Divine intervention.

Its now three months since we got married and we've had more than our share of sadness but that only helped our bond grow stronger and brought us closer to each other. It made us realise how important it is to treasure all those simple and routine moments in your life because by the end of it that is what you will treasure the most.

Its been one hell of a roller coaster ride! From good to horrible to neutral. And that ride has now brought us to a different country where we try to start our life. This is also a new experience and we are both taking it as it comes.Its new, its scary and we are miles away from home!! But what my strength is right now is that I am no longer alone. I have my rock,my husband right beside me. And together we will deal with whatever life has to offer us.

To all those who despair, believe me, love does happen. And when it comes knocking your way, you will be swept of your feet just as my husband did and still does keep amazing me every single day.I have finally embraced the love that came my way.



Sunday, 17 June 2012

Insecurities in life




We are born into this world as carefree young children, but as we grow older, we have insecurities that grow along with us.


Where or when do these arise, we would never be able to fix on a specific date and time but they do exist.
I have come across various sects of people and mingled with them on a daily basis and noticed that even small incidents can trigger this fear within us. 


As a person I have the fear that I am not good enough for the people around me. And not everyone helps me to overcome this. There are a few who do their best to embed this deeper into my heart and soul. And it has been imprinted so well that I often wonder how I can have as many friends as I do. At the back of my mind, I keep thinking whether they are only tolerating me because they have now known me this long, or do they really like spending time with me? But I do have friends who reassure me time and again that I am loved and respected. I thank the Almighty for sending these beautiful angels into my life, they keep my sanity intact and morale high when I am low. 


However one of the most peculiar ones I have come across is when a mother has gotten worried when her two siblings were close to each other. I have actually seen her trying to blow small things out of proportion between the two so that they were both close only to her and not to each other. Putting things into each other’s ears and making one look bad to the other somehow soothes her ego. And then trying to patch them up makes her feel all-important. I guess people do not think above themselves when it comes to their insecurities. This however shocked me a lot. Can people be so mean and selfish? I guess they are, and there are living examples for the same.


But what brings on these insecurities? Can we ever reach the root cause of these and unplug them? I do not think so. Unless we as an individual take a conscious call not to give in to them. When we realise that people matter over other things and most importantly over our so-called egos, we will give them the space and respect that they deserve. 


Think of all those people around us who yearn for our love and affection but never get them. Think of all those friends and family who love us more than anything else, but what do we do in return? Subject them to our unfounded insecurities and fears? Do they deserve that? 
It is very easy to get angry and lash out all your temper on that one poor soul who actually comes in to console you. But I urge you, pause for a moment and ask yourself, “is this anger justified?” “Is there another way to handle this?” 


Sometimes not all your choices and decisions are right and you have to live with the guilt of having hurt someone very close to your heart.


 We have no rights to create rifts between people because of our perception of them or situations. We have to learn to accept people for who they are and how they are, just like most of them accept us. Do not ruin your precious relationships with either family friends or that one special person. In this age of fast paced cars and race to ambitions, these beautiful relations are hard to come by. We would part of the lucky few if we could sustain the relationship and keep the spark going. The magic lies in our own hands. 


You wear that lucky charm over your mind. It’s just letting go of prejudices and letting people in… Into your lives and most importantly into your hearts. That would the greatest treasure you could claim to possess especially in this world that is starved for love. Don’t let go of your chance of happiness.  


As you admire the wonderful things God has made, also remember you are one of them-beautiful inside and out, blessed, special and most importantly loved.




Life is too short to be spent in little frets.



Sunday, 26 June 2011

Friends forever

Sush and Vashi, this is totally dedicated to you guys.. 


My friends through and through...


Sushmita and Varsha, two of my closest friends who have stuck through with me right from high school and I have never stopped a while to thank them. So here I am and I would like to say my heartfelt thanks to both for what they have done for me and more importantly who they are and what they represent in my life.
So what really brought about this reminiscence, you ask me? Well here goes...
It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and surprisingly I had gone down to my Art class. Sush and I got to talking about Vashi's impending departure to the US. We both know what the girl has been through in these past few years and though we are gonna miss her alot, we know in our hearts tht she needs to leave, she needs the break. Vashi we are both right behind you on this and we have yor back and most importantly we are so damn proud of you! The three of us had started this class on Varsha's insistence and enthusiasm. So yeah, we pretty much did a lot of things together.
 Its been over seven years since, and we are now working women waiting to step into the next threshold of life. During all these years, we have had our own shares of ups and downs and most definitely many misunderstandings. But through them all, my friends patiently stood by me as I hope I did for them
We have teased each other about the different guys in life, the funny hairdos, preposterously boring classes in college and later on cribbing about how bitchy life can be.. 
Of the three, Vashi is the heart of the circle, she keeps us together.. Whatever she does, she puts her heart and soul into it and that includes fighting with us :) We are so gonna miss you..
As for Sush, she has always been the fashion diva. She is the one we turn to when we want a makeover or to go shopping or most importantly for me, she's my sole company while eating Italian cuisine while Vashi sits sulking in the corner of the table. Oh by the way, she is also the darling of the three.
 As for me, you ask? I do not know. I am still trying to figure it out my self.. But here is to my friends. My two best friends.. 
Whatever, and wherever we go, that never changes. And guys thanks to you both for being who you are and for accepting me for who I am..

Three cheers to Vashi and Sushi :)

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Losing myself

Its been a very long time since I stopped to take stock of my life. And now that I have decided to do so today, I find myself to be totally lost.
"Naa jaane kahan se aayi thi,
naa jaane kahan ko jaana hai"
The same questions are haunting me by day and transforming into vivid nightmares by night. What kind of a predicament am I in? I don't seem to be in too much trouble,but I am barely afloat in this storm of life..
Coming right back to it. I am lost in this journey and ironically I have also lost sight of who I really am and those unique and sometimes irritating traits that make me or rather have made me to be the person I am today
In the time I took to write this blog, almost three of my friends came on chat and the same old questions, "How are you?" and "what are you upto these days?" Simple though these may seem to be others, I couldn't answer them honestly. Courtesy required me to reply politely to both, I didn't want to overload them with my confusions and chase away those few who still stop by to say hi and inquire after me. Then I asked myself, "Am I really alright?" and "What really am I doing these days?" Again no answers..
This is where frustration begins to seep in. Why am I not ok? Why isn't something good happening? Why don't I have answers? It is my life for crying out loud!!!
I look around me and see people having problems with their lovers, in-laws, parents,etc.From where I stand, those seem to be more manageable compared to the internal war raging inside me.
Am I blowing this out of proportion or am I worrying the right amount? I don't know but here I am penning my feelings hoping that there would suddenly be a flash of light and clarity of thoughts
In the whole hustle and bustle of trying to fit in, I lost myself and am slowing losing my identity. I wish I could go back to that rebellious girl who really wasn't dependent on anyone. I lived life the way I liked it and expected people to accept who I am never forcing they to fit into my norms. Then why is it being expected of me? Why am I asked to change? Asked to fit in?
I have to figure out what I am really meant to do.. Where do I really want to go? Am I on the right track, in the right direction ? Or should I being going in an entirely different path? What is my destiny and whom should I allow to accompany me on this? Or should I walk the distance all alone? I s that what I am meant to do? Is that how I will ever succeed?
Is this what everyone claims to be "The Journey of Self Discovery?????????"

Saturday, 16 January 2010

Life is complicated

Life as I know it is complicated. And what could be worse than the fact that I make it more so? I mean I have taken my perfectly simple life and twisted and turned it about so much that I do not know where I am headed at the moment. I am right now standing at a point where I have to move ahead and make a new commitment. The very thought of it scares me and yet here I am still clinging on to a past that can’t be and making new complications with my existing friendships. Why oh why do I do this? Only questions can be asked and I am none the wiser. There are only questions left to be answered. Deep down in my heart, I know that I have to answer these questions by myself before I can truly be ready to make a commitment or think of my future in a positive light. Who am I really? What kind of a person am I? Am I good? Am I bad? Do I even matter in the lives of people whom I think close? Will they ever miss me when I am gone? Have I made a difference to anyone at all? I do have friends and I know that most of them love me for who I am, but what about the new person who will be entering my life? Will he ever understand? Can I be myself with him or will it be another façade that I’ll have to don? Incase you are wondering what this is rambling is all about? I am just going to start having alliances put across for matrimony. And to be honest, I am scared; I am scared about making such a huge decision. Will I ever meet the right person? And how will I know that he is the one for me? Knowing that this is the reality I am faced with, I actually dared to fall for another guy. Why does the heart always wish for something that is unattainable? Or is it actually the other way round? I crave for his attentions and care. It hurts when he says something harsh. Am I just going through another infatuation or is this yet another complication? You can wake a person who is sleeping but how do you wake someone who is only pretending to sleep? That seems to be my situation right now. I am refusing to believe the reality that is staring me right in the face. It is time to let go of the demons in my past and look forward to the future. I don’t know what is in store for me but I can only hope and pray that it is something good. I believe in God and I do believe that the Almighty will not let me fail. I have that faith in Him. But right now, I can only pray for strength. Pray for the courage to untangle myself from the existing webs and not get into other complications. It is one life and I have got to live it to the best of my ability. Whatever the future might hold for me, I know that I am blessed to have a few friends who are going to see me through it. I don’t know what I would do if it was not for their faith in me and the support that they have always given me. Time to sign of now, with a little hesitancy and still all the fears in my heart…

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Crossroads

My mother has often told me that life comes in phases; we go through one after the other just as the moon wanes. So I guess this is just another phase that I am going through. But I am not alone in this; I have quite a few friends who also happen to be standing on the threshold of something bigger. You are wondering why I have gotten so philosophical.

Well the reason is quite simple though I am not sure if my thoughts are just as clear. One of my best friends got married recently and loyal friend that I claim to be, I was there for her wedding. It was a splendid affair with all the rituals, customs and traditions you would see in a typical Hindu marriage. There was lots of fun, teasing about, dances and a bit of tears too! The tears part always come in, because you know that your daughter, the apple of your eye will from then on be starting a new life.

We were three of us who did our Post Graduate studies together. Though like any other normal friendship, ours too went through a period of affliction, but the important thing is that we rose above it and our bond grew stronger as we tried to understand each other better. And as we sat down to a sumptuous Indian regal feast, my friend commented to me how far we had come within the span of about two years. A few months ago, we were just three silly girls discussing and fantasizing about the future and where we would go with all our high and lofty dreams, and yet there we were, attending our friend’s wedding.

Our mind does have the habit of playing dirty tricks, and mine chose that very day to get nostalgic and sentimental. I went into rewind mode and was replaying all the days spent together, be I in person, over the phone or most importantly during our lectures in class. Each and every thing we did came back to mind. Bunking class to go out to the food court, coming late, and the hell we would rise when it was time to submit our assignments. It would not be fair on my part if I don’t mention the additional course that my friend was taking- Masters in Social Service! (That’s a private joke though)

Suddenly all those memories seemed so close to the heart, so dear, even the tough times we went through. But those were now too distant, what mattered most was that we were with her on her most important day. We had promised her that we would be there and I should thank the Almighty for making that happen. Seeing our best friend get married was such a beautiful event. Something that we will treasure.

Looking at her glowing radiantly on her wedding day, I felt very happy for her and sent a silent prayer unto Heaven above. But the happiness was laced with a little bit sadness. She was no longer just our friend. She had a new life, a new beginning, and new roles to contend with. But if you knew her as well as we do, there will be no doubt in your heart that she would come through with flying colors. A few tears were shed on that account but let’s not get into the sad part. It was a day of celebration, she was stepping into a new phase and we, her friends were right beside her.

I feel very proud to have known her and more grateful to both my best friends to have accepted me for whom I am, with my eccentricities and all. I couldn’t have asked for a better gift than the companionship of my closest friends and especially at the crossroad that I am standing at right now in life. With all the difficult choices that we will have to make, I know they will be there right beside me. I do hope that when I have to move into a new life, I muster at least a fraction of the courage and bravery that my friend has shown.

I guess this is what my mother was talking about. We were born into a family, being their pampered princess, we grew up, learnt to deal with life and some how win too, we are daughters, sisters, and friends and then everything changes. We become someone’s wife. That is a whole new identity we get and yet, we take on the challenge. But life gets so much easier when you have great friends such as mine.

Three cheers to our friendship…

Monday, 2 February 2009

This is what dreams are made of...

Whitney sat at her desk typing away on her system, trying her best to concentrate on the report that had to be finished, but her thoughts were elsewhere and most definitely not on the task at hand. Questions were running through her mind at top speed, questions that she had no answers to at the time. Varied subjects that her mind was grappling with most of them beyond her scope of comprehension, but deal with them, she must. This she knew for sure, after all, it was her life and she was done with others making her decisions for her. Where had it landed her? In a worthless job where she was always invisible?

At 24, Whitney was quite normal looking though it was her innocence that drew people to her. She had finished her professional degree and also gone on to finish her Master’s degree with distinction. By the looks of her anyone would describe her as a timid person, but only her close friends knew, behind that mask of outward timidity lay a well of emotional strength and a very strong will. Whitney was an ordinary girl but normal might not be the best way to describe her. All her life she was told what to do and what not to do and in the whole process of trying to do all those things, Whitney had lost herself. She had lost her identity. Even she couldn’t answer who she was anymore. In all her years of existence, what had she achieved so far? Nothing! Another day was over in her monotonous life and Whitney packed her stuff and left for the day. Driving home that day, she was still deeply engrossed in her thoughts. They had been intermittently clobbering her mind the whole day, and she was no closer to a solution now than she had been earlier in the day. “This wouldn’t do!” She told herself. “I need to clear myself; I need to clear my mind and my heart. Maybe it is time that I listened to what my heart has got to say.”

She turned off the road and took the one that would directly take her to the beach. And in the middle of the week, the beach would be reasonably calmer, she reasoned. Parking her car, she got out without her sandals.

She took a leisurely stroll on the beach for a few minutes. The sun had set in the horizon and walking bare foot on the sand really felt good, the sand was mildly warm and the warmth was slowly seeping through her over-tired feet, making her feel relaxed. “God has a nice way of giving us foot massages, you just have to walk on the beach,” thinking out loud, she continued her sauntering.

Finally getting tired, she plopped down on the beach. Right from her childhood, the beach had been her most favorite spot, her ‘get-away place’ as she liked to call it. Sitting there on the sand, listening to the lapping of the waves was soothing to her nerves. Looking out into the horizon, she saw the last traces of the setting sun and the different orange hues that it was sending out in different directions. It was a sight to behold. As far as her eyes could see, she saw only the vast ocean lying ahead of her, miles and miles of water, with no seen boundaries whatsoever. The waters always beckoned to her, it was as though some friend was out there in the oceans and calling out to her to come join. She felt as though she had some dream there that she was trying to pick up. But what it was, she could not fathom and each time she came to the beach, it was the same. She couldn’t tear herself away from the ocean and would sit staring at the waters the whole day. Today was no different. The ocean was her only true friend, someone who would patiently listen to all that she had to say.

Whitney was tired of living a lie, tired of living her life for others. Everyone seemed to think that they knew what was best for her and that they could live her life better for her. She had doting parents and very loving siblings. Yes, her family was great; there was no doubt about that. Yet she was very lonely. No one had been able to understand her, they all loved her but could not understand her, her dreams and aspirations were totally different. This was not what she wanted to be doing with her life, not at all. She was doing this to please everyone around her. They all thought that a regular job is the way to go, you have security. But not Whitney, she was a dreamer, a very imaginative dreamer.

She could cook up stories with so much of ease that her friends joked that she should take up writing as a career. She also loved to paint, when no one was around to bother her. She craved for peaceful solitude. The interference in her life went on to the extent that her parents decided who she should date and who she shouldn’t. now that was not fair. All her friends got to make their share of mistakes and learnt from them too. There was only one person Whitney had truly loved since high school, but due to her family’s interference, she had to give him up too. It is not that she was not unhappy; she just thought that it would make everybody else happy. Well she had achieved what she had set out to do, everyone else was happy, so much so that even Kevin was happy with his new job, he was trying to forget her. But she was unhappy, her heart was broken and her life was a mess. She had a right to be unhappy. Every once in a while, she would still think about him, and miss him a lot. She had to let go, her mind knew that but her heart just wouldn’t listen.

Whitney had gotten so much accustomed to being subdued, and being told what to do and what not to do, that she no longer bothered to even argue with anyone. Why couldn’t they ever understand? Why couldn’t they see through her façade and see how miserable she was? Was it that easy to overlook her? Were they taking her silence to be her weakness? No one encouraged her dreams; they teased her if she told them anything, so she simply stopped telling them. The problem was not that her family did not care, but the problem was that they cared too much. They had crossed the line between being protective and being overprotective. Guess that came with the territory when one was the youngest at home.

She looked out at the ocean again, the waves were relentlessly, coming forward and then dying down, but in its places, a new wave arose, one which was more powerful. She could hear the ocean talking to her, telling her to continue dreaming. The ocean dug deep into its depth and came out with pearls of wisdom for Whitney. She was born a dreamer, she would always be a dreamer, and no one could take that away from her. And she knew what she had to do.

She had to get her life back. She had to start living her life on her terms. She had to learn to say no where it was necessary. This can’t be called being selfish, you can hardly call her that. It was time for some major changes in her life. With these thoughts coursing through her heart and soul, she looked out at the ocean again, and saw her friend waving to her. She could see her dreams on the distant horizon and this time, she was determined to reach them. She would make them all come true. There was no turning back, no going back to what she was going to leave behind. She had to be firm with her family; that was going to be difficult, but do it she most definitely would. The whole world was full of opportunities and she was going to start looking and making her place in the world, on her own terms. The clouds parted and the mist lifted, her heart felt so much lighter. It had taken her so long to make this decision. But now she was going to be happy. She was going to make her life happy. It was time to go. But before that she had one thing to do.

She got up from the beach and dusted her dress off. Searching in her purse, she got her cell phone and made a call. “Hello Kevin? ….”

Yes, this is what life was all about. This is what dreams are made of …